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Chủ đề: Boring_English

  1. #1
    svBK's Newbie
    Tham gia ngày
    Jun 2005
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    Mặc định Boring_English

    "English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings around the globe can speak English. And more than half of the world's books and three-quarters of international mail are written in this crazy tongue.

    Of all languages, English has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as two million words - and of course it has one of the noblest bodies of literature.

    However, let's face it! English is a crazy language!

    For example, there is no egg in eggplant, - and will you find neither pine nor apple in a pineapple.

    Hamburgers are not made from ham, English muffins were not invented in England, and French Fries were not invented in France.

    Sweetmeats are confectionery, while sweetbreads which are not sweet, are meat.

    We take English for granted. But when we explore it's paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, Public Bathrooms have no baths, and a guinea pig is neither a pig nor is it from Guinea.

    And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers do not fing, humdingers do not hum, and hammers don't ham. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of booth be beeth?

    One goose, two geese, so one moose, two meese? One index, two indices, one Kleenex, two Kleenices?

    Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends - but you don't make just one amend, we comb through the annals of history - but not just one annal? And if you have a bunch of odds and ends - and you get rid of all but one - what do you call it?

    So tell me, if the teacher taught - why isn't it that the preacher praught? If a horsehair mat is made from the hair of horses and a camel hair coat from the hair of camels - what is the name of the animal that gives us mohair?

    If a vegetarian eats vegetables - what does a humanitarian eat? And if you wrote a letter - perhaps you also bote your tongue?

    Sometimes it makes you wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

    In what other language do people drive on a parkway - and park on a driveway? Then we recite at a play - and play at a recital?
    We ship by truck and send cargo by ship? And have you noticed that we have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a fat chance and a slim chance be the same thing? While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

    How can weather be as hot as hell one day - and as cold as hell the next?

    And then sometimes we only talk about certain things when they are absent.

    No doubt you have seen a horseless carriage - but have you ever wondered what a "horseful carriage" would look like? And have you ever seen a "strapful gown", or met a "sung hero", or experienced "requited love?"

    And I ask you, have you ever run into someone who was "combobulated", "gruntled," "ruly," or "peccable"?

    And where are the people who "are spring chickens," or who would actually "hurt a fly"?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not by computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, is not really a race at all). That is why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this essay I end it."
    P/S: Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault, the silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.

  2. #2
    Quân nhân danh dự Avatar của khannhachboa
    Tham gia ngày
    Aug 2005
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    Bài này hay đấy. Dưng mà dịch ra tiếng Việt thì khoai quá! 2 Vì toàn chơi chữ tiếng Anh!!!
    ~ ~ ~ ' ' ' " " " " " ' ' ' ~ ~ ~
    T ố n h â n b ấ t k h ả h ữ u k h i n h n g ạ o t h á i

    N h i ê n b ấ t k h ả v ô k h i n h n g ạ o c ố t


    BLOG, BLOG...

  3. #3
    svBK's Newbie
    Tham gia ngày
    Oct 2004
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    Today's question: What in the world is electricity and where does it go after it leaves the toaster?

    Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches one that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important lesson about electricity.

    It also illustrates how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons", which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpet so that they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travel down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

    If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

    Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc. for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lightning storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lightning was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office.

    After Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. Among them, Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond. However, water is a great conductor of electricity and the frog is immediately electrocuted.

    But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877 was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879 when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again.

    This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact, the last year any new electricity was generated was 1937.

    Today, thanks to men like Edison and Franklin, and frogs like Galvani's, we receive almost unlimited benefits from electricity. For example, in the past decade scientists have developed the laser, an electronic appliance so powerful that it can vaporize a bulldozer 2000 yards away, yet so precise that doctors can use it to perform delicate operations to the human eyeball, provided they remember to change the power setting from "Bulldozer" to "Eyeball."

  4. #4
    Quân nhân danh dự Avatar của khannhachboa
    Tham gia ngày
    Aug 2005
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    Hehe, mấy cái thí nghiệm trong bài này hay quá nhỉ?

    Có bác nào thích chơi thả diều giống Franklin không?

    Hay bác nào thí nghiệm quả "điện truyền từ tay đến răng" đê :100:


  5. #5
    svBK's Member Avatar của kem chờ đợi
    Tham gia ngày
    May 2005
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    thnx u for post so interesting ideas and example about English. Through that we can find out English is really interesting, it is not boring. Rite?
    To Khannhacboa: u first, pls. You can do if u want and u can die if u'r crazy, he he...

  6. #6
    svBK's Newbie Avatar của twins
    Tham gia ngày
    May 2006
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    I I used to think that English is crazy only (especially phrasal verbs and pronunciation). But after watching this page, I think it's boring. Full of letters and words==> don't want to read.
    Mama's gonna keep baby ... cozy and warm

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